It’s that time of year again. Time for me to once again head on over to the Dollar Tree to pick up el cheapo gift bags, wrapping paper, tape, hideously aged candy.  I imagine a network of sweat-shop elves wearing beer stained wife beaters, green cigarette-burned tights and a yellowish hue in their little bug-laden beards, feverishly restocking the shelves of the Tree each night. All through the night, their chubby little digits cramming heavily dented cans of baked beans next to Swirly brand toilet brushes and seemingly brand-less bags of “Chips.”

Last night, my ho-humming, eye-rolling family found themselves once again humoring me as I strode up and down the aisles of the store with a curious mix of wonder and maybe I shouldn’t touch that with bare hands. All the while in my apparent oblivion chirping things like, “isn’t that awesome?”, “ooh look at that! Can you believe it’s only a dollar?” And, yes, they can in fact believe it’s only a dollar because a) it’s a piece of shit and b) every piece of shit in the store is a dollar. See how that works? The whole store... everything in it… $1.00, hence we have, the Dollar Store err Tree.

That brings me around to one of my favorite pastimes, Dollar Store Haiku. You missed it, I know.

Innuendo Snacks
Swiss Roll in the Honey Buns
Taboo 40 States

Got Jungle Fever
You're Icing My Zebra Cakes
Sweet Cosmic Brownie

Requires great skill
Taking on Banana Twins
Eat one from each hand

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My self-imposed hiatus must be close to coming to an end. I'm starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Now even the cars on the expressway are trying to lure me back onto the bike...

.. soon, i think. It'll soon be time to swing a leg over, with a clear head.

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The first person who looked at a turkey and decided that it looked like good eats must've been one seriously starving mofo.

A happy and safe holiday to you and yours. Be careful out there on the road. People drive like idiots! Hmmm. Maybe I should laminate up some one finger salute cards for you guys...

Happy Thanksgiving!

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In the world of bumper stickers, you have like 3 second to catch someone's attention and tell them something. Something about you, about how you feel. Something you must feel pretty strongly about in order to take the time to purchase said sticker and place it on your vehicle for the world to get a window into your psyche through.

Without further ado - some snaps as of late:

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...in a long line of One Finger Salutes.

photo courtesy of drdaytona

Choosing the correct salute is imperative. My go-to salute is often a well-timed combination of honking followed by a single finger coupled with shouting vulgar obscenities that would make a sailor blush. Sadly though, most often they can only be heard in the confines of my own helmet. Now, if I had say a pimped out megaphone helmet, indeed it would be more effective.

For small trespasses there is of course the 'Throw Your hands Up while shouting WTF are you doing?' but I often feel that leaves too many open ended questions. I KNOW what they're doing. They're being stupid.

In to each life a little rain must fall and with that sometimes you are indeed the focus of someone else's honk. Over the years I have found the coup de grâce when you are the honk-ee is the tried and true 'Double Finger While Laughing Maniacally'. The double finger indeed says it all but then the sweet sting of laughing in the face of the agitated honker seems to really kill them. +5 for the jerk off motion. It's a beautiful thing.

Your mileage may vary.

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